


The Scars We Can't See

by awill2020



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Love, M/M, Magic, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Romance, Slow Burn, Some Jily, The Seventies, The Sixties, maybe smut?, muggleborn protests, remus and sirius help each other, remus is oblivious, sirius is jealous, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24134854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awill2020/pseuds/awill2020
Summary: It's the Marauder's last year at Hogwarts, and everything around them is changing. With the Deatheaters gaining notoriety and blood purity relations on the fritz, the summer was tense. The summer saw muggleborn representation protests and wizards fighting for creature rights, but Hogwarts is the same as ever. Except, Remus grew about a foot and a half and into his body. Except, Sirius left his home forever, cut his hair to his shoulders, and spent the summer training. Except, James and Lily are friends now, and Marlene McKinnon seems very interested in Remus all of the sudden. Except nobody can forget the tense summer and the struggles they've been through. Sirius and Remus feel for each other more intensely than ever before, but can they cross that line? Will they risk their friendship for something more? Or will they skate around each other because they don't believe they're good enough for the other?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, wolfstar - Relationship
Kudos: 25





	1. King's Cross

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the first chapter of my story! I'm planning on it being a long one!
> 
> Let me know what you think!

King’s Cross was as busy as ever; Sirius could hardly see or hear through the haze of steam, chatter, and various squawks and growls of pets who were also overwhelmed by the cacophony. Sirius stood on his toes, trying to see over the heads of everyone bustling around him to find Moony and Wormtail.

James stood nonchalantly at Sirius’ side, looking around as if he hadn’t a care in the world. Sirius knew, however, that James was fervently searching for the glossy red hair that signified Lily Evans, the girl he’d fancied for years. 

Sirius spotted Lily before James did, and nudged him to let him know. Lily stood, several yards away, with her best friend Marlene and a gorgeously tall, curly-haired boy Sirius didn’t recognize. Severus Snape was conspicuously absent from their little group, and Sirius and James watched from afar as Lily turned to hug her shorter friend Dorcas, who had just appeared. 

The tall, broadbacked boy that Sirius was admiring, despite his thready cardigan and mismatched socks, turned to stare bemusedly around the crowd, having no trouble seeing over everyone’s heads. Sirius’s heart caught in his throat; the arse that he had been checking out belonged to none other than Remus Lupin, one of his best friends of six years. 

James had spotted Remus, too. “Blimey, what was Moony eating this summer, a Sprouting Solution?” he asked, and started to weave his way through the crowd towards Remus’s group.

Sirius had no choice but to follow, swallowing his heart and assuming the easy grace of superiority that had been groomed into him since he was a child. 

As they approached Lily, Remus, Dorcas, and Marlene, James called out a hello. Marlene and Dorcas shared a secret look only girls that were bosom friends could share, but James paid no mind as he clapped Remus on the back. 

“Jesus, mate, what have you been eating this summer, a Sprouting Solution?” James asked, and Remus grinned crookedly.

“Sprouting Solutions are only for plants, Prongs,” Remus said, shifting his eyes to Sirius and smiling wider. “I heard you and James had an eventful summer,” he said, and Sirius’ breath caught as he smiled back at those green eyes.

But Sirius was never one to be caught off-guard or flustered; his mother ensured that. “Yeah, the hunt for Godric Gryffindor’s sword didn’t exactly go to plan. But I did receive a fruitful lesson on the dangers of trolls.”

Remus chuckled and shifted his gaze to Lily. Sirius felt the pressure on his chest lessen, and caught his breath, hoping no one had noticed.

“How’d you do on your exams?” Asked Remus, and Lily smiled proudly. 

“I passed them all, and got Outstanding in Potions and Transfiguration. What about yours?” She asked, and James stifled a snicker.

“Only two Outstandings, Evans?” he said, and Lily rolled her eyes. Sirius had hoped that the summer would further cultivate the tender friendship they had formed at the end of last year, but it looked like they might be on a downwards slide this year.

“Well, I’m happy,” said Lily, her fierce voice belayed by the smile she wore. “Call me a muggleborn, but I passed and that’s what matters to me.”

“You’ve got a point,” said Dorca. The short, curvy girl was bedecked in a sunflower romper and leaned on Marlene, who was taller and rail-thin. “I think it’s a bit pratty to get perfect scores on everything..”

Remus shrugged, looking down at Marlene and Dorca with a smile. “I’m just pleased I passed them all,” he said.

Sirius barked a laugh. “Moony, you probably got Outstanding on all your exams. We can’t all be that lucky.”

Remus smiled. “I barely scraped an Acceptable in Divination, you know.”

James grinned. “Bloody stupid subject. Absolute rubbish, if you ask me. When has divination ever helped anyone?”

“You failed it, didn’t you?” said Marlene.

“Definitely. I got a D.”  
Remus laughed, and Marlene shot him an admiring glance. They had gone on a few dates last year, but nothing had really come of it. Sirius felt a hot spike of jealousy stab him in the stomach, but mastered his face almost instantly.

“Oy, where’s Peter?” he asked, looking around. 

It was Dorcas who answered. “He’s on his way - his mum had some sort of attack, and he told me he’d be stopping by Saint Mungo’s right before he came.”

Sirius had almost forgotten the mysterious ‘attack’ that Peter’s mum had suffered over break. Peter had come home one night in late June to find his mum laying in her bed, unable to speak or move, and his father nowhere to be found. Sirius and Remus had come to help Peter bring his mum to Saint Mungo’s, where they managed to detangle the mysterious spell that kept her immobile. She was still unable to speak, however, and Peter’s father was still nowhere to be found.

James’ face took on a sour cast as they remembered the accident. Remus sighed, and the group stood in contemplative silence for a few moments before Lily broke the tension.

“We’d better board, then. Train’s leaving in ten minutes, and if we want to get a compartment together, we need to get on now.” 

James stood a little straighter when he heard Lily talk about a compartment to seat the six of them, and Marlene shot Lily a sidelong glance that nobody but Sirius, who was used to reading body language, noticed.

The group gathered up their belongings and started towards the train, picking a path through the crowded landing. Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas walked in the front, whispering and giggling, while Sirius, James, and Remus lagged a few paces behind them. 

“His mum still can’t speak, then?” Asked James, and Remus shook his head.

“No sign of his dad, neither,” said Sirius, and James glowered.

“It’s a bloody crime,” said Remus in a low, almost dangerous voice, and Sirius felt a chill run up his spine. He glanced sideways at Remus, taking in his appearance for the first time in weeks. Remus had spent over half his summer in Egypt, on vacation with his father while his mother worked in the cursed tombs. The time he spent there had turned him from the gangly boy Sirius had bade goodbye to in early July to the tall, lean teenager before him. His face had lost the baby fat of the previous years, making way for tall, sharp cheekbones and a straight nose. Scars criss crossed his face, a pale white in contrast to the bronzed skin that came from weeks in the African sun. Sirius knew the scars would run down Moony’s chest, circling his arms and legs, a testimony of the pain he went through each month. Remus’ hair, normally short and clipped to his head, had grown over the summer into an attractive flop of curls on his head, falling into his eyes when he didn’t pay attention. His green eyes shone with the excitement of being back at Hogwarts with his friends, and Sirius had to tear his eyes from them before Remus noticed.

Sirius lugged his trunk behind Moony, staring unabashedly at his arse while they waited, single file, to climb onto the train. James jumped to help Lily with her bags, but got stuck lugging Dorcas and Marlene’s bags as well, to their barely suppressed smirks. Sirius offered up his trunk, batting his eyes, but James, breathing heavily and red faced, gave him the finger and pulled up his own trunk.

“Chivalry is dead, isn’t it?” Remus said, and Sirius grinned. 

“It’s the People’s Party, radicalizing all the children with dreams of equality,” Sirius said, and Remus smiled back.

“On we go,” said Sirius, as they hoisted their trunks onto the train. “I hope Wormtail gets here in time,” he muttered as he and Remus followed James down the corridor.

The group piled into an empty compartment halfway down the train five minutes before the train would leave. Sirius found himself sitting next to Remus, who sat next to Marlene. James, Dorcas, and Lily sat across from them.

Almost right before the train left the station, Peter burst into the compartment, breathing hard. “I bloody well had to run to get on!” He gasped, and the troup laughed as Marlene scooted over to give Peter a seat. Remus was subsequently pressed up against Sirius, and they sat shoulder to shoulder, knee to knee, and Sirius tried to still his fast beating heart.

“How’s your mum, Peter?” Asked Lily, leaning across James, who sat stock-still.

“She’s doing better. The healers have her taking some sort of potion-spell regimen, and said she’ll be able to form monosyllabic words in a few weeks.”

“That’s wonderful, Peter!” Dorcas said, and he beamed at her.

“Thanks, Dor. We’re hoping she’ll be back to speaking regularly in a few months, just in time for midterms.”

“Oh, bloody hell. I’d forgotten about those over summer.” James groaned. 

“But school’s gonna be a breeze, now,” Sirius said, grinning. “We’ll have so many free periods we won’t know what to do with them.”

“Nah, we’ll be studying and doing homework for them,” Remus said, and Marlene laughed quietly. Sirius shot her a suspicious glance that went unnoticed. 

“I’m just ready for quidditch season,” said James.   
“Is that all you boys think about? Quidditch season?” Lily asked, and James grinned.

“Oh, my lovely Evans, it’s the only good part of Hogwarts!” He replied, and Lily rolled her eyes.

“I think the classes where we learn magic would be more interesting, but I didn’t grow up with it.” Lily said, and James’ grin slid off his face.

The summer had been met with protests and near-riots of people demanding muggleborn and, to a lesser extent, half-blood rights in the Ministry. After a report about the disproportionate hold old Wizarding families had on the Ministry, especially on elected officials, the wizarding community went into uproar. The sit-ins in the Ministry had almost gotten violent, and Sirius remembered seeing rows of people magically chained together. He had attended some of the protests, and sat shoulder to shoulder with Lily, Peter, and Dorcas as they watched their friends and classmates get taken, one by one, to holding cells. One time, he had even seen his father, his cold, distant father, march past him on his way to the Minister of Magic’s office. Sirius’ father, always composed, always perfect, had almost broken his veneer when he saw his eldest son chained among the ‘vagrants’ who wanted to ‘undermine the government’. That evening, when Sirius came home, his stomach full of dread, he had been met by a hysterical mother, a seething father, and a weak, scared brother. He hadn’t been back since.

“I’m sorry,” James muttered, but Lily grinned.

“Chin up, you fool. I’m only kidding. It does drag, sometimes,” She said, nudging James’ shoulder. He relaxed, grinning.

“How was your trip to Egypt, Remus?” Asked Marlene, smiling up at Moony.

“Excellent. I met some very interesting wizards,” Remus said.

“And you grew about a foot and a half, too,” said Marlene, and Remus flushed pink.

“Yeah… One witch I met had a two-headed python that was about 15 feet long and as thick as a tree trunk. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw it.” Remus said, stuttering a little at the smile Marlene beamed up at him.

“Well, James and I ran into a troll,” Sirius said, grinning and speaking almost too loudly.

“What?” Dorcas asked, and James sat up, prepared to tell his story.

“We were poking about Godric Gryffindor’s old castle, the one stuck up in the woods that’s supposed to be cursed and/or haunted.” Sirius said, setting up the story for James.

“We wanted to find his sword, because it’s been missing for centuries, and Sirius broke our last one so we couldn’t duel,” said James, as if this was a normal thing to spend a Saturday on. 

“Why don’t you just use lightsabers?” Asked Lily.

“What?” Sirius and James asked together.

“We’ll tell you later,” Remus said, signaling to go on.

“Anyways,” said Sirius, “We were poking around that old abandoned castle and we hadn’t found anything yet, so we headed to the dungeons to see if something might’ve been down there.”

“Naturally,” said Remus, barely containing his laughter.

“Shut up,” said James, and he continued. “We got down to the dungeons and we found that somebody had made it quite a cozy place.” 

“Bones, animal skins, mold and old armor everywhere,” Said Sirius, grinning. “You know, just how everyone decorates. A cauldron full of weird red mucus stuff - I tried to get James to taste it, but he wouldn’t. So much for being a Gryffindor,” 

“Oy, you didn’t want to go near it, either!” James said, and Lily laughed, causing James to blush and grin, pleased with himself. 

“Get on with the story,” Peter said.

“Right. So, we were both circumventing the cauldron full of horrifying mysterious fluids, and we wandered down into the bowels of the dungeons.” James said.

“The stink got a lot worse as we went along,” said Sirius. “It got dark, too, but James wouldn’t let me light my wand.”

“Laws, you see.” James said gravely. “So we went down there and thought to ourselves, ‘if any place has a fabled sword no one’s seen in two hundred years, it’s this place!’ And we went on in.”  
“Idiots,” said Marlene, smiling.

“Well, I was about ready to turn back when Sirius here, the epitome of grace, tripped over a log.”

“Only it wasn’t a log,” said Sirius sinisterly. “It was a big old troll leg. But I’d thought it was a log, so I got up and started cursing at it. And then  _ it _ got up and I about shit my pants.”

“Sirius screamed loud enough to wake up the other troll, and it about took my head off,” continued James, as Lily and Marlene gasped. Dorcas rolled her eyes, sharing a tired look with Peter, both of whom were used to hearing these shenanigans.

“But Sirius hit his troll with a conjunctivitis curse,”

“And James got his by grabbing a sinisterly big bone and whacking it across the face,” Sirius finished, while James nodded gravely.

“Why didn’t you just use magic?” Asked Lily through her laughter.

“Laws.” was James’ dignified response, sitting regally while the rest of the compartment laughed at him.

They spent the next several hours swapping stories about summer, wondering about their schedules that year, and making fun of their favorite teachers. The whole time, Sirius was irresistibly reminded of Remus pressed against his side, laughing and smiling at Marlene. 


	2. The Fireplace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang has the start of term feast and Remus is confused.

Remus sat across from Sirius at the feast, watching him eat roast beef with the precise, proper table manners that his noble family had ingrained into him. Remus was fascinated at how oppositional Sirius was; his clothes, attitudes, and beliefs were totally opposite from his family’s, but the habits Sirius maintained - the orderly room, the table manners, the proper etiquette and manners he exhibited - reminded Remus that his best friend was a highborn wizard. Sirius might have chopped his hair to his shoulders and dressed in muggle garb in defiance of his family, but the confidence and grace with which he carried himself betrayed his noble upbringing. Still, Remus couldn’t help admiring Sirius’ glossy black hair, his high, angular cheekbones, those dark eyes that gleamed with intelligence and mischief, and the cinnamon skin dotted with freckles. 

Remus remembered the first time he had met Sirius; his first year, he had luckily sat down across from two boys that already seemed to be bosom friends the night after he got sorted. Sirius was a far cry from the short, baby-faced boy he had met that night; he was taller and more muscled, though still shorter that Remus. 

Sirius grinned at Remus as he took a sip of pumpkin juice. Remus smiled back, going back to his potato. Next to Remus, Marlene and Dorcas were discussing the potential plants they’d be facing in Herbology, predicting the largest and most dangerous had been saved for their N.E.W.T. classes. James was on Sirius’ right, leaning in to tease Peter about his new Hufflepuff girlfriend, who was a sight prettier than Peter. Lily sat on Remus’ right, quietly watching her friends talk and stealing glances at the Slytherin table, where her former best friend was sitting, as dark and greasy as ever, next to Sirius’ cousin Bellatrix and a couple Notts. 

“Remus, you alright?” asked Sirius, catching Remus’s eyes from wandering.

“Yeah,” Remus said, smiling softly. Sirius smiled back.

“How’s your mom?” He asked. Remus smiled a little wider. His mom travelled for work, so Remus had known a childhood of bouncing around with his curse-breaking family.

“She’s doing well. Egypt went right - some old tombs the muggles haven’t found yet were stumbled upon by a couple of wizarding kids following a Niffler. It took her a while, but she broke into the first one and the magarchiologists swarmed over it the first second they got. She’s in Albany, now. Something about a cursed castle.”

“Maybe she can help Padfoot and I break into Gryffindor’s old castle.” Sirius said, smiling.

“You know it’s not really Gryffindor’s castle,” Remus said quietly. Instantly, that got Sirius riled up. Last year they had had a longstanding debate about whether or not that old, unidentified castle belonged to the founder of their House. James swore that it was and Sirius jumped on the bandwagon instantly, but Remus had actually done the research and found that the old castle was not confirmed to have belonged to anyone, though rumors about it roamed from Gryffindor’s castle to a vampire’s for its cult. 

“How dare you besmirch the honorable name of Godric Fiona Gryffindor!” Said Sirius in a high, scandalized voice.

“That’s not his middle name,” said Remus resignedly, while Sirius began his tirade, pulling the attention of the rest of the group and some surrounding Gryffindors. 

“Our honorable founder used that castle as a place of refuge from his notoriety and for his harem of veela!” Sirius declaimed, causing the girls, Peter, and James to laugh.

“Sirius, I swear to Merlin, you’re barking mad,” Remus said, and in his annoyance he inadvertently made a pun, which turned Sirius from righteously ridiculous to glowingly excited. 

“Remus, moon of my life, I’m only barking mad for you,” Sirius crooned, and Remus’ cheeks turned red. As used to the constant flirtations he was, Sirius still caught him off-guard sometimes.

Marlene saved him, however. “Well, while you moon over Remus, can he pass me the butter?” She asked, and Remus grabbed for the butter dish, thankful to have something to do with his hands. As the attention shifted to Lily, who was bickering with James over the correct way to cut an avocado (James was insisting on cutting the pit and eating it), Sirius’ dark eyes dropped to the table, his personality seemingly deflating.

Marlene smiled widely at Remus when their hands touched, and Remus felt a little lightheaded when he smiled back. “What was Egypt like?” She asked, and Remus started to tell her about the sea of sand, the linen robes, and the bazaars and cities that he got to wander while his mother worked and his father wrote his third book.

Remus had never really noticed Marlene before, at least not as the pretty young woman she was now. She was tall, reaching Remus’ shoulders, which was impressive as Remus stood at a towering 6 feet and 5 inches. Marlene’s hair reached halfway down her back, falling in soft silvery-blonde waves, and her face was tanned and freckled, soft and kind. She was lithe and athletic, being a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and her sharp blue eyes belayed her fast mind and abilities both on the Quidditch pitch and in Charms club.

She had turned into a beautiful girl, a far cry from the gangly tomboy Remus had known her as. But then, the summer before sixth year seemed to have been transformative for everyone; Remus had grown 10 inches, James had grown 5, and Sirius’ hair had lost several inches. 

As Remus told Marlene about the fascinating people he had met and the delicious food and culture he experienced, Lily and James continued to bicker good-naturedly about eating fruits, while Dorcas and Peter compared summer reading lists. Sirius, however, sat quietly eating his dinner, for once not striving to be the center of attention. 

“You know,” said Sirius, staring down Marlene as he interrupted Remus. “I’ve been to the Giza pyramids. My mum said that her father’s family came from Egypt, originally. I got to go down into the tombs. I tried to get my dad to let me try the sarcophagus juice, but he wouldn’t allow it.” 

Remus laughed, grinning at Sirius. Marlene, still angled close to Remus smiled demurely. “Did you get to go into tombs, Remus?” She asked.

Remus nodded. “I didn’t get to see any sarcophogi, but my mum let me look through the spots she’d alread found were safe. Ancient Egyptian wizards were fascinating.”

The rest of the dinner was spent comparing family history, a conversation brightened by the lively reenactement of the first house-elf beheading by Sirius’ great-grandmother. After Professor Dumbledore finished his speech, the group headed up to the common room, leaving Remus and Marlene, the prefects, to shepherd the first years up to their rooms.

  
  


After almost everyone had gone to bed, Remus wandered down to the common room, having woken up from a bad nightmare. Normally, Remus would watch the fire until he felt ready to sleep again - it was somehow soothing.

As he crept through the darkened room, lit only by the fluttering shadows of the dying fire, he thought about Marlene. She was nice, but Remus wanted… Remus didn’t know what he wanted. 

“Nightmare?” Asked a soft voice from inside the best chair by the fire. Remus smiled. He should have known Sirius would be down here. He was plagued by demons, too.

“Yeah. The full moon’s halfway here. It always starts about now.” Remus replied, and Sirius ushered him to sit by his feet. They had started this ritual in the fourth year, when Sirius came down to see Remus crying over a fresh scar he had gotten.

Remus sat at Sirius’ feet, leaning on his calves. Sirius sank his hands into Remus’ head of curls, massaging his head. He began to sing softly, and Remus let his eyes close and his head fall onto his friend’s knees.

_ Dans la forêt, il fait nuit, les animaux sont endormis _

_ Dans leur maison, les petits cochons partagent le même lit. _

_ Le petit chaperon rouge a fait des bisous à maman _

_ Elle n’a plus peur du méchant loup et dort paisiblement _

Remus’ heart slowed from it’s frantic race to a slower beat, matching Sirius’ soft voice as he sang in French.

_ Ferme tes yeux, mon ange, _

_ Prends ton envol, rejoins-moi, _

_ Un monde merveilleux t’attend, _

_ Des rêves enchantés, pour toi. _

Remus leaned on Sirius’ leg, letting Sirius’ song take him to a peaceful place. A place where Remus wasn’t a werewolf, where Sirius had a family that loved him, and where nothing haunted them.

After a while of Sirius singing, Remus opened his eyes, and Sirius’ hands stilled. The fire had died to just a few scarlet coals.

“I can rekindle it,” said Sirius, reaching for his wand. Remus shook his head, standing slowly.

“No, Sirius, it’s okay. I’m better. Thank you.” He said, and pulled Sirius to his feet. They stood there, nose to nose, for what seemed like no time and forever. Two people, plagued by their own demons, helping each other just a little bit.

But Sirius stepped away, licking his lips. “We’ve got school tomorrow.” he said, and Remus nodded. They turned and walked together to their dorms, where they climbed into their beds. 

Neither of them ever spoke about their midnight meetings, the songs Sirius sang and the demons that Remus confessed to him.


	3. The Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang gets their schedules and meet the girls by the lake. Sirius gets oddly thoughtful.

Sirius woke up groggily as the sun pierced through the window opposite him. He rolled over in his bed, but Remus’ scratchy voice forced him to sit up.

“I don’t know, James. I like Marlene, but what if it ruins our friendship?”  
“Are you kidding, Moony? She’s head over heels for you. If you don’t ask her out soon, she’ll ask you out.” James said, pulling on his socks.

“Hurry up, Sirius. I don’t want to miss breakfast.” James called over his shoulder. Their other three roommates, the Prewett twins and Frank Longbottom, had already headed downstairs. Peter stood impatiently at the door, waiting on his friends as he usually did.

Sirius rolled out of bed and rifled through his trunk, dressed and ready in a minute. The group stampeded downstairs, hurrying to be the first out of the Portrait hole. Sirius won, having shoved Peter out of the way at the last minute.

Laughing, Sirius pulled Peter up again, apologizing. James clapped Peter on the shoulder, naming him a good sport.

But Remus was walking behind James with Marlene, who was beaming up at him.

Sirius rolled his eyes, falling in step with James. “Is this gonna be a  _ thing _ ?” He asked, and James shrugged.

“Marlene really fancies Remus, you know,” said Peter wisely, who had befriended Marlene and Dorcas first. Sirius repressed a frown and mean comment.

As they headed down to the Great Hall, Lily and Dorcas joined their ranks, smirking at each other and Peter at Remus’ awkward laughs.

Professor McGonagall swept regally upon the group of students a few minutes after breakfast had ended. She immediately cleared Lily and Marlene for their classes, while she stared down her nose at Sirius and James. Sirius thought her eagle eyes would need glasses if she glared down at every student like that.

“Boys.” She said sternly. James attempted an innocent smile, while Sirius blinked up at her.

“I expect you two to clean up your acts this year. Juvenile actions aside, your records of this next year may affect your job opportunities in the future. I would…  _ Urge _ you to toe the line better this year.” McGonagall said, and Sirius and James nodded, tumbling over themselves to assure McGonagall they would be “simply model students”

McGonagall didn’t look like she believed them any more than they did. She gave them their schedules and moved on down the line, complimenting Remus and Peter on their scores. 

Sirius caught up to Remus as he headed to their first class, Arithmancy. Sirius had started the class because his mother had required it, but found he actually liked it and convinced Remus to take it with him as well. 

“What’s up with you and Marlene?” He asked, and Remus blushed.   
“Er, I don’t know yet. I’m not really sure. I like her, but… ” Remus muttered. 

Sirius shoved down the bubbling jealousy inside him. “You should ask her out, mate. She likes you.” Sirius said, almost choking on his words.

“Really?” Remus asked.

“Yeah. I mean, who else are you gonna date?” Sirius asked, his tone rough to disguise the leaping hope in his chest.

Remus blinked. “Yeah. Not many people who want to date the scarred kid who disappears all the time.”

_ Bloody hell. _ “I didn’t mean it like that, Moony.” Sirius said, but Remus had already closed himself off.

“But you’re right. Class is about to start.” He said, unpacking his books a little more roughly than the occasion called for. 

The class didn’t go exactly how Sirius had imagined. One day in, and already they had been assigned a thirteen inch paper on the fundamentals of syntax. Remus’ momentary cloud had passed, though, and they thoroughly abused the class on their way to the grounds to meet James and Peter. 

“Blimey, if this is how the rest of our classes are gonna be, I might as well drop out,” said Sirius, glancing at Remus’ soft smile with glowing happiness. He shoved it down inside of him, though, and kept walking.

“You’re too smart to be this lazy, Padfoot,” Remus said, and Sirius rolled his eyes and stumbled when James jumped on his back.

“Good morning boys! We’ve all got a free period now, don’t we! Shall we see how the giant squid’s summer went?” He asked, ruffling Sirius’ hair in the exact fashion Sirius hated.

“Oi! Watch it, you monster!” he cried, delicately brushing his hair back into place. Remus laughed again, and Sirius suffocated a pirouette.

“You know that she’ll never go out with you,” Remus said, and James frowned. “The squid. I believe she has an octopus lover somewhere she visits.”

Peter, walking at Remus’ side, grinned. “Does she have wings as well as giant face-sucking tentacles?” He asked.

The Marauders continued speculating on how the giant squid arrived on Hogwarts grounds and how she spent her evenings. By the time they had reached the tall oak at the shore of the lake, Sirius realized that the sandy-haired Marlene was sitting there with Dorcas. 

“Where’s Evans?” James asked as they approached the girls, who were braiding each other’s hair. 

“She’s off over there,” Marlene said in an annoyed voice, tilting her chin to the far side of the lake.

Severus Snape stood, hunch-shouldered, trying to explain something to Lily. By the looks of it, she wasn’t listening to him very much, her arms crossed and her foot tapping. They were too far away for Sirius to hear the conversation, but it didn’t look like it was going well for Snivellus. 

“Why’s she still talking to that idiot after last year?” Asked James, crossing his arms.

“Beats me,” said Dorcas darkly. “She tried to make up with him over the summer, but she saw him at one of those counter-protests they did and lost it. I expect he’s trying to make it up to her. Asshole.”

Sirius nodded in agreement. Snape was an unwashed asshole, through and through, but the guilt of the terrible accident that had happened last year still tinged him.

Remus caught his eye, sensing his change in mood. “It’s in the past,” he whispered, low enough so that the rest of the group, who were soundly abusing Snape, didn’t hear.

“Not really, but you’re just a good person, Moony.” Sirius muttered back.

Remus smiled sadly, guilt sagging his shoulders. Sirius wished he could fix Remus, fix the world to see that he wasn’t a monster, or dangerous, or a menace to society. He was Remus, the least intimidating person he knew. He liked to drink chai tea and always carried chocolate with him. He read muggle novels and listened to the Beatles. He had a dry sense of humor and liked to go to bed at 9, even on the weekends. He wore cardigans and khakis that he’d gotten from muggle thrift stores, saying that he didn’t need the hassle of wizarding or muggle shops. He slept cocooned in his blankets, and had a little wheezing snore that made Sirius feel safe. He was absolute shite on a broom, tipping and zig-zagging all over the place, and he didn’t get Quidditch but he still went to every game alongside Sirius, cheering and bedecked in Gryffindor colors, because Sirius loved Quidditch. He cared about his friends more than anything in the world, and he stayed by their sides no matter what. 

But the world didn’t see him that way. They saw him as a dangerous half-breed, unfit to be around normal people. Persecuted for something he had no choice in, for something he hated himself for. Something that had turned him from an excited, happy boy into a quiet, unconfident teenager sure he would be expelled or jailed within the month. And Sirius wanted to kick and scream at the world for him, since Remus couldn’t so much as raise his voice without wands being trained on him by ignorant fools who relied on prejudice instead of reality.

“Sirius, you alright?” asked Dorcas, and Sirius, breaking out of his reverie, nodded. “Just wondering what the best way to jinx Snivellus is,” he said, attempting nonchalance.

“Bat-bogey hex.” Said Marlene darkly, and Remus laughed. Granted, the rest of the group laughed as well, but Sirius still felt that dark spike of jealousy rear its head.

The group quieted as Lily approached, and James predictably rustled his hair and stood taller, grinning at Lily. She gave him an impatient smile and threw herself onto the ground next to Marlene.

Gracefully, Sirius slid onto the ground across from her, with his back to the lake, and the rest of the Marauders followed suit. There, in the brisk cool air of September, they passed a half hour discussing their class schedules for their last year at Hogwarts. 

The group stood up and began making their way to the Great Hall as the lunch bell sounded. Sirius watched as Remus helped Marlene up, not letting go of her hands for a few seconds too long for Sirius’ liking.

Lily pushed Sirius lightly in his back. “Let’s go, Black,” she said, and Sirius grinned easily. “After you, Evans,” he said, bowing theatrically.

Lily rolled her eyes and forged forwards, swinging her bag over her shoulder. Sirius walked alongside her, followed by James and Peter, then Dorcas, Remus, and Marlene.

“How was your summer, then, Lily?” Sirius asked. Him and Lily had become friends last year, as Remus invited him to their study sessions and Lily found out he was actually bearable without James.

“Pretty good, actually. My parents took me to Alaska. I got to go fishing for King Salmon,” she said.

Sirius frowned. “Who’s King Salmon?” he asked, and Lily laughed.

“It’s a fish, you dorky pureblood,” she said, and Sirius smiled. Talking with Lily was like having a sister; easy, natural, and fun. 

James caught up to them, leaving Peter with Dorcas. “How big was it?” he asked.

“100 pounds,” Lily replied, and James whistled. “Is that big for a fish?” he asked, and Lily laughed.

“Yes, fool. For King Salmon, it’s a pretty large size.”

Sirius lagged back, letting James and Lily surge forward in a conversation that didn’t seem to be heading towards combative. He walked with Peter and Dorcas instead, listening to Dorcas enumerate the plants she was looking forward to in Herbology. 

Despite Dorcas and Peter, Sirius couldn’t help feeling hypervigilant to Remus and Marlene, walking behind him, talking about future careers they were considering. Sirius thought Marlene was walking too close to Remus to be considered strictly friends, and he had to keep himself from butting into their conversation and splitting them up. It wasn’t his place; Remus liked Marlene, and Marlene liked Remus. They would look nice together.

When the group got to the Great Hall, lunch was already in progress. They sat down, chattering, and helped themselves to the meatloaf and potatoes served that noon. 

Sirius’ eyes scanned the Great Hall lazily; he wasn’t looking for anything in particular, just watching the different students mingle.

Until a Ravenclaw in his year caught his eye and smiled. He was a lanky student named Charles, and Sirius’s eyes did a double-take. He wasn’t bad looking; a long, thin nose, freckled face, and curly blond hair framed bright green eyes. The Ravenclaw winked at him, and Sirius raised his eyebrows.

“Padfoot,” Remus said, and Sirius looked back to Remus, breaking eye contact with the boy. “We’re about to go to Defense Against the Dark Arts, you coming?” 

“Yeah.” said Sirius, getting up as the bell sang and their empty plates vanished. He followed Remus (and Marlene, she seemed to be glued to Remus now) out of the Great Hall.

Green eyes swam in Sirius’ mind on the walk to Defense class, but he didn’t know who they belonged to. He watched Remus laugh at Marlene’s jokes and felt bitter, but didn’t know why.


End file.
